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The Mighty Underdog

        I'm not a crier.  It's pretty rare something moves me to tears.  Many times I've felt awkward in group settings when everyone seems to be crying except me.  Weddings (including mine), graduations, even funerals I'll feel especially obligated to at least try to squeeze some moisture out, or I'll just keep wiping under my eyes like I'm checking for mascara so it looks like I'm crying.  It's not that I'm  not emotional.  I just apparently don't have the ability to show it in a group setting.  I mean, I'm not a robot or anything; hit me at the right time of the month with Chris Tomlin's song "How Great is Our God," especially the world edition, and I will lose my stuff over it every time.  Ugly, face-contorting, snot dripping crying in the car because I'm classy like that.  Side note: Lord, I can't wait to hear every tribe, tongue, and nation lifting voices in praise!  I'm not sure how every tear will be wiped from every eye at that point because this hot mess will need a lot of attention. 

        However, Movies and TV are a different story.  I have been asked more than once by my husband, "have you no soul?!" as he's fighting tears and I'm staring blankly at the screen.  Nothing gets him like an underdog story.  Rudy, The Blind Side, Friday Night Lights, Remember the Titans, Rocky IV, and A League of Their Own (I'm not making this stuff up, he's texting me titles as I'm writing) are some of his favorites.  He says it's because, "they're relatable and we all aspire to be something more than we are; even more when the odds are stacked against us."  Though it probably won't draw tears from me, that is something I know resonates with pretty much everyone.  

        We love to cheer a hero as much as we love to hate a villain.  We hope for the underdog even in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds.  That's probably one reason why the story of David and Goliath is one of the most well known stories in the Bible.  Even if you haven't grown up in the church chances are you know at least the general story of this historic showdown: David is little, Goliath is big, and David wins.  As usual, I think scripture tells it best.  If you have access to a Bible, why not take a couple minutes to check out 1 Samuel 17?  Keep in mind as you're reading that David has already been anointed by God to be King over Israel, but the current king, Saul, doesn't know that yet.  Also interesting to realize is that David is a youth and considered too young to join the other soldiers, whereas Saul is an accomplished warrior.  I'll include a bit of the story I'm going to focus on (so I don't drive too many people away who take one look at a long post and quit before they begin), but I strongly urge you to read the entire thing!  

        And David said to Saul, “Let no man's heart fail because of him. Your servant will go and fight with this Philistine.” And Saul said to David, “You are not able to go against this Philistine to fight with him, for you are but a youth, and he has been a man of war from his youth.” But David said to Saul, “Your servant used to keep sheep for his father. And when there came a lion, or a bear, and took a lamb from the flock, I went after him and struck him and delivered it out of his mouth. And if he arose against me, I caught him by his beard and struck him and killed him. Your servant has struck down both lions and bears, and this uncircumcised Philistine shall be like one of them, for he has defied the armies of the living God.” And David said, “The LORD who delivered me from the paw of the lion and from the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine.” And Saul said to David, “Go, and the LORD be with you!”
Then Saul clothed David with his armor. He put a helmet of bronze on his head and clothed him with a coat of mail, and David strapped his sword over his armor. And he tried in vain to go, for he had not tested them. Then David said to Saul, “I cannot go with these, for I have not tested them.” So David put them off. Then he took his staff in his hand and chose five smooth stones from the brook and put them in his shepherd's pouch. His sling was in his hand, and he approached the Philistine.
(1 Samuel 17:32-40 ESV)

        I don't want to leave you with a cliffhanger so I'll summarize the ending. David approaches Goliath and they talk smack back and forth, as guys do, then David runs forward and uses his sling to chuck a rock that hits the nearly 9'9" monster of a man in the forehead and sends him crashing.  The text points out that there wasn't even a sword in David's hand if he had needed one; he uses Goliath's own sword after to chop of the giant's head.  Gross, but I suppose it provides a very vivid picture of who was the victor.  The underdog emerges triumphant!  Bloody, severed head dripping from his fist.  Sounds like a scene out of one the action movies toward which my husband gravitates.
        Did it stand out to anyone else that David had already faced lions and bears?  Oh my!  I find it intriguing that he mentions these experiences to Saul not as a means of boasting over his own strength, but as an example of God's faithful deliverance in the past and as a measure of reliability in his faith that God would protect him again.  God doesn't allow anything to happen to us just by chance (Jeremiah 29:11).  This means that every event in our lives has value and purpose.  At first this truth can be a bit hard to swallow, especially if we have painful events in our past.  You might wonder how any good could ever come from something terrible or tragic.  At the same time, the beauty of putting your faith in a sovereign God means that none of the testing was endured in vain.  We are being refined that we would call upon the Lord and receive deliverance (Zechariah 13:9).  Not one ounce of pain was purposeless; we are much too valuable to Him for our lives to be left up to random chance.  The lions and bears we have faced, and are still fighting, are training us to achieve victory in the greater battles ahead.  Fight the good fight of faith (1 Timothy 6:12) that when we have received our eternal victory we can boast of God's faithful deliverance of our lives over every villain on our path.
        Maybe it's just my personal insecurities flaring up, you might be a far more secure person, but I can say with a fair amount of confidence that if I had the option of wearing expensive, heavy armor and carrying a sword I would have worn them regardless of fit.  I would have stumbled my way onto the battlefield looking like a fool as long as I had something physical to put my confidence in.  It has always been a struggle of mine to find something, or someone, to hide behind in the face of conflict.  I want some immediate assurance of protection and insulation from the giant of reality waiting for me.  The idea is if I can hide behind my education (or lack thereof), economic status, mentors, or innumerable other excuses to cover my weaknesses, then I won't get hurt because it's not really me I'm presenting.  It's the shined up, impressive version of myself I would like everyone to see.  David walked out with nothing more than his staff, sling, stones, and pouch.  Shepherd's tools he had used nearly all his life.  His confidence was rightly placed in his faith that God had already equipped him with everything he needed for success, mainly his faith in the Lord Almighty.  He required nothing impressive to boost his self confidence, but boldly showed his human vulnerability that God's might and faithfulness and sovereignty would be that much more apparent.
        I want to be full of faith, learning and maturing from my past, vulnerable yet confident in how God has chosen to equip me.  I want to run to the battle like David completely trusting in Lord's deliverance, but I won't.  It's nearly a "can't" actually.  No amount of willpower can make me more like David.  What does your track record look like with resolutions?  Mine is abysmal to the point that I made a resolution to stop making them, but couldn't even stay committed to that and made one this year.  On my own I am just the underdog and seeking self-help will only reaffirm my weakness and inability to effect change in the end.
        But wait, there's hope.  An underdog always has hope, a way to, "aspire to be something more than we are, even when the odds are stacked against us."  We have to expand our perspective past David to the great story unfolding in all of scripture, and the true anointed, eternal King to whom David's triumph truly points.  Jesus, our hero, stood in our place to defeat a villain more fearsome than any we will ever face: the full wrath and punishment of sin in death.  He presented himself in complete human frailty, vulnerable, though he could have spoken a word and legions of angels would have come to His defense.  He boldly approached the cross clothed with nothing more nor less than a life lived righteously and absolute faith in His victory.  Just as David's qualifications to fight were questioned by Saul, so Jesus endured the gathered crowd mocking, "He saved others; he cannot save himself.  Let the Christ, the King of Israel, come down now from the cross that we may see and believe (Mark 15:31-32 ESV)."  And yet, like David, in the face of insurmountable odds He emerges resurrected, nail pierced hands held out to us in victory, death slain under His battle scarred feet.  He accomplished a task David's triumph was only a weak shadow of and gave more to free His beloved people than David could ever give.
        If you don't know Jesus, our culture will tell you that you can accomplish anything on your own, and when you fail tell you to try harder.  If you want it bad enough, if you can visualize it, then it is within your reach and if you can't make it happen you're a nobody.  The problem with working in your own strength to be a "better" person is that you don't have any reliable measure of what that looks like.  If everything is relative then where do you turn?  You will try on different suits of armor, new methods of overcoming vices seeking self worth, trying to find one that fits but none will be worthy of the battles faced in this life.  Maybe you'll settle for gear that feels like it nearly fits or maybe you'll continue to search the self-help shelves for some DIY armor-fix tips.  Or perhaps you will see the futility in it, call out to the Hero who lovingly stood in your place, and, with His help, begin to remove the layers of ill fitting steel until the immeasurable beauty of your true self as you were created to be is visible.  Even your past will be redeemed and purposed for good beyond anything imaginable.          
        Believing brothers and sisters, let's stop trying so hard to be like David in our own strength!  Of course we all want to be men and women after God's own heart, and we're told to learn from the lives of the saints who have gone before us.  But that all needs to be secondary to our passionate, consuming pursuit of growing closer to our God and knowing Him in His word.  Let's agree to stop putting on clunky armor of good works, or money given charitably, or doctrinal superiority and expect it to protect.  The armor just makes us look like fools and hypocrites before the rest of the world because they can tell our ways look no different from theirs.  Instead, let's tap into the omnipotent power dwelling within us to gain the courage to present our humble true selves and have faith in the victory we will gain!  We have already been equipped with all we need in our individual experiences to serve faithfully and fruitfully.
        Thank you, Lord, that the victory of David brings such hope to us underdogs as we stand before the giants of this life.  God to you be all glory for the complete victory and redemption we have offered to us in Jesus.  You love us not for anything we can bring to You, and yet You pour out Your blessings on those who seek to truly know You with all our hearts.  Thank you for giving us value and passion and purpose.  Amen.

 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.(Ephesians 2:8-10 ESV)

 David writes of God's love for the underdog beautifully in Psalm 145:14, 18-19:

   The LORD upholds all who are falling

and raises up all who are bowed down.

The LORD is near to all who call on him,

to all who call on him in truth.

He fulfills the desire of those who fear him;

he also hears their cry and saves them.

  

        

 

The Sippy Cup Years

This time last year I was very pregnant with our fourth child, only six weeks away from delivery.  I was excited for 2012 to begin so I would get to meet him and see how another new Marsden would transform our family's dynamic.  I was full of hope and faith in the wonderful plans God undoubtedly held for us in the blessings of another new year.  I just had a feeling this was going to be my best year yet...

Now if I had been reading that on another blog I probably would have gagged and clicked back to Facebook by now.  Truth is, as excited as I was to meet Walter, spiritually I was in turmoil.  I had just begun to pursue some passions I was sure the Lord was putting on my heart.  I was looking at going back to school and formulating all kinds of grand schemes for the wonderful work I was going to do for the Lord.  Getting pregnant didn't just feel like a giant step backwards, it felt like a solid brick wall.  How could I ever accomplish the amazing things I know I'm capable of with four kids to care for?!  I'm ashamed of that reaction, but I want to be transparent with you.  I never doubted I would love this baby with all my heart.  Experience had proven that somehow there is always more than enough love to go around.  It did, however, feel like a daunting sentence of inescapable servitude to a tiny master who never sleeps.  Mom of the year here, right?  My problem, or I should say one of my problems, was with my perspective on the situation.    

Now in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver but also of wood and clay, some for honorable use, some for dishonorable. Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from what is dishonorable, he will be a vessel for honorable use, set apart as holy, useful to the master of the house, ready for every good work. 2 Timothy 2:20-21 ESV

I want to be a golden goblet!  Or at least a fancy champagne flute.  NOT a sippy cup.  I want to be recognized for my worth just by looking at me and all my accomplishments polished to shining.  Instead I need to keep a lid on everything sloshing around in this jumbled mind and be recognized by my certainly messy, always somewhat sticky exterior.

The Lord is gracious with me, as always, and I'm slowly making progress through the sippy cup season of my life.  I'm learning that my life isn't about what I can do for Him, but that I am "useful to the master of the house, ready for every good work."  Sippy cups are a practical, albeit humble, vessel of my everyday life.  They are mostly dependable to serve their purpose no matter how many times they're knocked to the floor.  The more I study the more I realize I don't know, and I'm learning to be thankful for the boundaries the Lord has placed in my life so I'm not making a mess of it.

God has made all kinds of vessels to serve Him.  Though we may look different superficially, we are all called to be clean internally if we are to be set apart as holy and useful.  I can technically still be filled if I'm a mess on the outside, but if I'm dirty on the inside I'm not a useful cup; I contaminate anything that is poured into me.  It is only through believing in Jesus' sacrificial death, which we deserved as penalty for our dishonorable sin, that we can be cleansed inside and set apart as holy.  If that is news to you, spend some time praying just telling God where you're at in life and ask Him to reveal Himself to you.  Crack open a Bible and see how He speaks to you.  Taking those baby steps will surely make 2013 a year that could change your future, for eternity.  For those of us who are walking in a growing, maturing relationship with Christ let's make it a point to seek out the plans of our Master regardless of what form that takes in our lives.  Ring in the New Year with me and a spiritual sippy cup of grape juice raised high, joining me on the journey of serving faithfully until it's time to be matured into wine.  Happy New Year, friends!

  

Prayer

"Unless it is indeed the heart's conversation with a living, personal God, prayer is only wishful thinking.  Christian (or biblical) prayer involves active struggle with God-- not passive resignation, as in so much mysticism.  It springs from a supreme power whom the prophets called 'the Lord'-- not simply from a need for self-understanding or for clearer insight into the nature of ultimate reality.  It is not an attempt to control or manipulate God, but an effort to converse with God in order to find out his will for our lives."  --Dr. Donald G. Bloesch

 "Prayer is the language of the soul in conversation with God.  It is the most intimate gesture of the religious life, and the most transformative."  --Sir Johnathan Sacks

Prayer has always been a bit of a mystery to me; a subject where my questions consistently outnumber any answers I seek, most of which I then struggle to understand and apply practically in my life.  I should clarify that I view prayer and meditation on God's word as separate things, though dependent on one another.  I can't pray effectively without knowing my Bible and I can't study my Bible deeply without praying for the Holy Spirit's guidance.  Studying the Bible comes much more easily and naturally to me.  I can research a concept or seek God's guidance through immersion in the scriptures.  I fully believe that everything we need to know to live lives worthy of our callings can be found within those pages.  It is completely relevant and, though not always simple, accessible.  The Word is powerful, yet still intimate, and my life is blessed the more I meditate upon it and hear God speak to me through it.

Prayer is fuzzier for me, more difficult to mentally grab on to.  I struggle with trying to find a formula I should be following.  I sometimes pray while driving, before a meal, on my knees, eyes closed, eyes open, face upturned, face down, falling asleep, full of thanksgiving, full of petition, reciting scripture, with a full heart, waiting in silence, for my needs, for others' needs, for confession, seeking forgiveness, filling the space of anywhere from ten seconds to ten minutes or beyond.  But what is most effective?  I have experienced prayer that left me with goosebumps and will stand out in my memory as moments I felt closest to God.  I have also struggled with feeling futility in it, that somehow my prayers got stuck under the ceiling or that I could scream them and it didn't feel as though God could hear me, or He already knew what I was going to pray anyway so it didn't really matter whether I took the time.  Typically after those times of apathy I would nearly give up having a formal time of prayer at all, only for something in the Word to fall on me afresh and I would research and formulate a new plan for activating my prayer life.  In preparation for this post I was praying (while driving) and I asked that God would give me a greater intimacy with Him through prayer.  Instantly I felt Him reply, "Then you will actually have to pray."  Touche.  I prayed for guidance in scripture and while I automatically started flipping to the Lord's Prayer, I was instead directed to Gethsemane.  (I don't know how to exactly explain how the Holy Spirit guides me except that there will suddenly be a thought in my head I can't claim as my own, and when it happens I try to roll with it.)  I found what I was looking for in Matthew 26:36-46:

  Then Jesus went with them to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to his disciples, “Sit here, while I go over there and pray.” And taking with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me.” And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.” And he came to the disciples and found them sleeping. And he said to Peter, “So, could you not watch with me one hour? Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Again, for the second time, he went away and prayed, “My Father, if this cannot pass unless I drink it, your will be done.” And again he came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were heavy. So, leaving them again, he went away and prayed for the third time, saying the same words again. Then he came to the disciples and said to them, “Sleep and take your rest later on. See, the hour is at hand, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Rise, let us be going; see, my betrayer is at hand."

Now that is a prime, meaty chunk of scripture.  Obviously there are volumes to learn from Jesus' prayers here, so let's break this down into some bite-size morsels we can sink our spiritual teeth into.

I like to start with what I can most easily relate to, which, from what I've told you of my prayer life, should be no surprise.  I am one of the sleepy disciples.  I am never more exhausted nor does my pillow feel softer than when I am trying to pray before I fall asleep.  Shamefully I'll even admit I've consciously used prayer as a sleep aid on nights when I just can't clear my head enough to drift off.  Once, after a particularly riveting episode of a TV drama I watched before bed, I even caught myself praying for a fictional character.  "Lord, please be near George and his family as they go through this difficult time.  Please heal his father and give the doctors wisdom on the best forms of treatment.  Lord, may Izzy..." And then I was struck by lightning.  Actually, I started cracking up as I realized what I was doing, but God was certainly gracious with me yet again when I deserved a good smote-ing.  Jon Courson speaks to why narcolepsy sets in so quickly in prayer is, "because Satan knows there is power in prayer and profit in Bible study. ...read the Word or pray, and you can count on your eyes getting heavy, the telephone ringing, the baby crying, and your stomach rumbling."  It's a classic diversionary tactic; being sleepy is very distracting!  Ever felt like you needed to slap yourself to stay focused during a sermon?  It's not totally your fault!  Unless you stayed up too late Saturday night, in which case it's probably part of your penance.  Seriously though, let's be aware of this temptation which even those closest to Jesus fell into.  Jesus asked Peter to, "Watch and pray..."  Maybe this was a time that walking while praying would have been best.  Or maybe just standing?  Sometimes this flesh is just too weak to be able to honestly and authentically approach my holy, sovereign Savior from the comfort of a pillow-top mattress, snuggled under a fluffy down comforter.  It's time to wake up and consciously seek the Lord who condescends to seek us.

Being a bit of a cynic, I have a difficult time not reading some sarcasm into Jesus', "So, could you not watch with me one hour?" On their way to Gethsemane Jesus predicts the disciples falling away and Peter infamously swears that even if everyone else falls away he never will, that he would die before denying Him, and we're told all the other disciples said the same.  What passionate words to be immediately followed by direct disobedience to Jesus' request to spend time in prayer with Him!  Problem is, it's just so much easier to make big promises than to live out small, faithful choices.  We commit ourselves to be salt and light within our sphere of influence, but balk at the opportunity to share Christ's gospel for fear of the awkwardness that might ensue.  We make big plans to have a time of Sabbath rest in the week, but fail to prepare for it and end up playing catch-up with that time instead.  We vow to love our neighbors, but only practice that love when it's convenient.  Where else do we need to wake up and hear the rooster crowing out our daily denials?  Let's focus on faithfulness in the little things Jesus asks of us right now and by His power, according to His will, we shall surely accomplish great things.

Inside us all is this longing for greatness.  We want recognition that there is something special within us.  God has created us all with a unique plan and purpose to accomplish His will here on earth.  Sometimes though, His will doesn't feel like a deeply fulfilling and wonderful plan, but mostly a lot of work.  This can feel discouraging when we begin to compare ourselves with others and what we see them doing.  It seems greatness comes so easily to everyone but us.  The disciples struggled with these feelings too.  A little earlier in Matthew 18 the disciples were actually arguing over who was the greatest among them.  Jesus made it clear that only through humility could they attain greatness, but still, not long after, James and John (the sons of Zebedee referenced) come to Jesus attempting to secure places of prominence in His kingdom.  This riled up the other ten disciples and, again, Jesus tells them they are not to wield power to lord over others but to be great they must be the servants to all.  Being a servant takes humility, hard-work, and even sacrifice.  The Lord has called us all to serve one another and gifted us in unique ways to complement one another, not to compare and measure one another by.  When I start to struggle with comparison, engendering either prideful or pathetic feelings, I often reflect on a quote from Spurgeon, "Beloved, it is not office, it is earnestness;  it is not position, it is grace which will enable us to glorify God. ...Think little of yourselves, but do not think too little of your callings."  I wonder if Peter, James, and John may have struggled with a little pride as Jesus called them out of the group to follow Him farther in to the garden.  I bet the longer they spent waiting, their eyelids drooping under the weight of the Passover meal and fellowship they had just enjoyed together, the less special they felt.  If those three were so tired they had to fight for consciousness in Jesus' presence, I bet the other disciples who were a little ways away were already passed out.  The plans God has for us will not always be easy and seem to rarely gain us the celebrity we secretly long for.  May we pray for perseverance on the journey and not be caught sleeping when Jesus has called us to action.

So, now I know how not to pray: while sleeping or seeking status.  If I want a perfect picture of how I should pray, there's no better place to look than perfection Himself.  That He was going to be pouring Himself out for us after this time of pouring himself out to His Father was no surprise to Jesus.  He was a part of the great rescue plan for humanity from before the creation of the earth.  Yet He still makes priority of prayer as he prepares for this tragic and momentous day.  To me this a big point for starting my day off with prayer.  Sometimes I can look at the calendar and have a pretty good picture of what kind of day I'm going to have, but I don't truly know what any day will bring.  While on vacation out of state I made a priority of staying committed to having a time of quiet devotion and prayer before the day started. Typically vacation seems to interrupt all my best set habits and I was determined to not break this habit.  I knew it would be an emotional day as it was the one year anniversary of the death of my beloved mother in law to cancer.  At that point I had no idea that this year I would again be spending my entire day in a hospital. Except this time it would be with my eldest, Emma, as she came down with appendicitis just hours later and ended up being transferred by ambulance to the nearest children's hospital for an emergency appendectomy late into the night.  Sitting alone (Mike was back at the hotel packing up with our other kids), in the middle of the night in a hospital I couldn't remember the name of while my precious girl was undergoing surgery, I have never been more thankful I had His word and promises made to me that morning to cling to.  I had written a prayer in my journal that morning after meditating on the greatness of our Lord in Psalm 145 and had written in closing, "May we feel Your tender care today."  Emma received excellent care, recovered quickly, and since we were from out of state we were given a free suite in the on-site apartment facility.  I'm not trying to make a case that first thing in the morning is the only time to pray.  Technically speaking, Jesus was praying at night after dinner.  Although it would seem He didn't actually get any sleep, so maybe He was also praying first thing in the (very) early morning for preparation for the day?  I have just learned from my experience with Emma that having that time of focus and devotion sets me up for a day full of walking in the Spirit, no matter where the events of the day take me.  It was certainly worth giving up an extra twenty minutes of sleep for.

It struck me as both odd and comforting that Jesus would seem to question His Father.  He knew what the outcome would be but He prays earnestly for another way anyway.  In a way I may never fully understand, Christ was completely human.  Maybe His choice words for Peter also spoke to His situation, "the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak."  Knowing the measure of the full cup of wrath He was about to drink, Jesus must have been tempted to avoid it.  There's no other reason He would pray for another way, yet He was completely without sin.  His struggle with His calling, not sinful in itself, had to be in submission to divine will to avoid sin.  It is not sinful to wrestle with what God has set before us as long as we are honestly pursuing His will above our own.  He desires us to so fully trust Him that we would feel comfortable asking him anything; no topic is taboo with Him.  We can look at our current circumstance and ask, "Is there any other way?!"  As long as we also trust that He knows what is best.  Christ asks if there is another way for us to be saved, but there was no other alternative.  We are not saved by being 'good' people, attending church, or giving lots of money to special causes.  It took nothing less than the shameful, brutal death of Jesus Christ on the cross to save anyone from any single sin.  If there was another way the Father surely would have granted His beloved son's request.

And yet, in the midst of this temptation, in spite of the fact He was also fully God with access to unlimited power, Jesus prays, "Your will be done."  This is how to pray in humility.  This is how to pray in faith that, regardless what we think, we know His plans for us are best.  This is when I realize to what extent I am a control freak.  When I pray for something I want what I'm praying for, but I have to accept that God sees the big picture and knows what I truly want better than I do.  "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28, ESV)."  It's just that it doesn't always feel good and I have to have faith that good will come even if I don't feel it.  I have not seen one ounce of good that came from losing my precious mother in law in a nine week battle to a terribly aggressive cancer.  I prayed for her healing earnestly and found it difficult to pray for "God's will" when I just couldn't fathom how it could be different from my own.  If I'm being completely honest in the deepest part of my heart I knew she wasn't going to be healed.  I don't know if that was the Holy Spirit trying to gently prepare me for the "no" I was going to receive, or just my own bend toward pessimism.  Either way, I hold unswerving to the fact that good will come whether or not I ever see it.

Jesus prayed in preparation, for clarification, and responded with complete acceptance.  That is a challenging formula to follow, and not what I was expecting.  There probably isn't a single best way to pray, although we can all agree it definitely doesn't involve falling asleep.  I also cannot expect to gain any intimacy with the Lord if I don't actually take the time to pray.  I read in a commentary that, "It's not that the Lord condemns you for lack of prayer.  It's that the Enemy will exploit the situation."  That's incentive right there to keep from dozing.  I long to accomplish God's will for my life and to pursue my calling with excellence, but I will not have the power to do so unless I am asking for it.  Without seeking Him in prayer I will fall into temptation, in whatever form I'm currently battling against.  I am completely human and my power supply is limited, but my God is omnipotent and is passionately "for" me, not against me.  I will continue to pray for my God's will rather than my own because that is the example Jesus set for me as He was reaching the pinnacle of His life, the fulfillment of His calling.  Maybe it's when we're closest to the culmination of our calling when we will be most tempted to quit.  I like how my pastor put it, that, "prayer is radical dependence on God ... children calling out to our Father for strength to live the life He's called us to." Lord, help us to pray for strength to carry out Your will and give us the faith to trust the goodness of Your plan beyond what we can see!              

I'm feeling challenged to be faithful in small ways, but to expect God-sized results.  I'm going to commit to ending this year intentionally setting apart some time for daily prayer (where I'm not sleeping or, conversely, attempting to multi-task).  Anyone want to join me?  Let me know if there is anything I can pray for you!  

Resources:
Study Bible: English Standard Version. Wheaton, Illinois: Crossway, 2008
Bloesch, Donald G. "The Misunderstanding of Prayer." The Christian Century 22 Dec. 1971: 1492-94. ebscohost. Web. 11 Nov. 2012.
Blystra, Nick. "In Line with the Truth of the Gospel." Fairfield Christian Reformed Church. Fairfield, CA. 14 Nov. 2012. Address.
Courson, Jon. Jon Courson's Application Commentary. New Testament ed. Nashville, Tennessee: Thomas Nelson, Inc., 2003. 193-94.                      Print
MacArthur, John. The MacArthur Bible Commentary. Nashville, Tennessee: Thomas Nelson, Inc., 2005. 1178-79. Print.
Zahavy, Tzvee. God's Favorite Prayers. Teaneck, New Jersey: Talmudic Books Inc., 2011.
  

  





             

There's Something About Mary

Well, if you've made it past that possibly unsavory title referring to a somewhat inappropriate 90's movie I applaud you.  There is something about Mary, though, and it's my sincere hope we can all learn something from this insightful and dedicated follower of Jesus.  First, let's establish which Mary we're looking at.  This is not the big "Hail Mary," mother of Jesus, nor Mary Magdalene who gets her fair share of spotlight in the gospels.  This is Mary of Bethany.  Know who I'm talking about?  One of the sisters of Lazarus?  The Mary of "Martha and Mary?" I see the light bulb above your head illuminating; the one who sits while her sister Martha runs around getting dinner ready?  Yeah that Mary, and there is so much more to her than simply being set in contrast to her sister.  Perhaps you read my last post and remember her mentioned as the one who anointed Jesus.  Honestly, before beginning that research I hadn't even realized she was related to Lazarus.

Obviously, Mary lived in the time of Jesus' presence on earth, in the town of Bethany, which was located a couple miles outside Jerusalem to the south of the Mount of Olives.  She lived with her siblings, Martha and Lazarus.  Although the family business is unknown, it can be inferred that they were at least somewhat of a wealthy family considering they had a home large enough for Jesus and His followers to comfortably enjoy a meal, had many mourners weeping for Lazarus (some of whom may have been professional mourners as was the custom for wealthier families to hire), and Lazarus was buried in a cave, which meant they could afford to both purchase the land as well as having someone hew out the shelves for the bodies within.  This also seems to make more sense that Mary would have access to the Nard she used anointing Jesus, although it would still be a very extravagant item to have on hand even for a moderately wealthy household.  She is mentioned by name in both Luke and John's gospels and is referred to anonymously in light of her act of anointing in the gospels of Matthew and Mark.  There are three distinct stories and in each she is found at Jesus' feet.  This is a woman I need to get to know.

Let's re-familiarize ourselves with the story of Martha and Mary from Luke 10: 38-42:

Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”

This passage is typically presented with a "chill-out Martha" vibe.  Stop running yourself crazy with the details and check your priorities.  However, it was the women's typical role to be preparing the meal and, with a sizable number of guests, I don't find it unreasonable that Martha would expect more help from her sister.  Jesus, though, speaks to heart motivations not simply actions.  Notice He doesn't even comment on how hard Martha was working in her preparations, but speaks straight to her motivations being "anxious and troubled about many things."  So, where is Mary?  When we look at this story through a Mary lens, we see a woman that is so intent upon Jesus' teaching, she has become oblivious to the tasks around her.  In contrast to Martha who can't get past the tasks at hand to enjoy Jesus' teaching, Mary is so enveloped in Jesus' words that everything else has fallen away.  How often am I distracted by the million things on my to-do list and miss opportunities to just be with the Lord in His word?  As the mother of four I've jokingly remarked that I'm like a shark and if I stop moving forward I die.  I think that is an accurate picture of many of our lives in the age we live.  We have intentions to fit in some time for the Bible, right after we write this one email, text this one person, run this errand, make this important call, and/or check Facebook.  Jesus said Mary chose the good portion; Mary chose Him in that moment above anything else she could be doing.  When was the last time we allowed ourselves to be truly swept away in His word amid the noise of our busy lives?  As a mom I relate to Martha's drive to serve others, but our service should not be done out of duty to our positions, rather as an extension of the love we receive through intimacy with Christ.  Jesus shows us that what we do with Him is far greater than anything we could do for Him.  Like Mary, let's make studying at His feet a priority in our hectic lives.

John 11: 1-44 tells the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead.  To paraphrase, Mary and Martha send Jesus a message saying their brother is ill, and Jesus quite literally takes His sweet time and waits a couple days before heading out to Bethany.  True to her character Martha runs out to Jesus the moment she gets word He's nearing their town.  Mary waits at home until she is told Jesus is calling, holding with eastern tradition, then takes off out of the house so quickly the mourners gathered there follow thinking she might be going to weep at the tomb.  When she sees Jesus she falls at His feet and cries, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died."  Jesus sees her weeping and is "deeply moved in his spirit," asks where Lazarus has been laid, and weeps himself.  Then He goes to the tomb, prays, and gives Lazarus a shout-out, which he does albeit mummy-style still wrapped in his burial clothes.  (I beseech you to take a minute and actually read this in your Bible because God's words are powerful and mine are not.)

Mary waiting to be called was a part of custom, though I was struck with how it echoes Jesus' words just a chapter earlier in John 10:27, "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me."  Do we wait patiently for Jesus to call, or attempt to charge ahead with our own plans?  Are we prepared to run to His voice wherever He may lead?  Mary heeds the call and runs to Him, and once again we find her at His feet.  She doesn't play the blame-game, but she simply tells it how it is.  If Jesus had been there Lazarus would not have died.  She speaks to Him plainly and truthfully.  Jesus is deeply moved by this display of faith.  This is how I want to pray.  I want to speak words of truth that come from the very core of my being.  It doesn't need to be long-winded or lofty, just true and full of faith that I can trust my Lord to respond with what is best for me.  Mary doesn't tell Jesus to hurry up and bring Lazarus back.  Oh, how many times have I told God Almighty exactly how He could fix my problems?!  How many times have I prayed my will in His name instead of trusting Him that whatever He decides is best?  Like Mary, let's pray at His feet earnestly and openly, but leave the "how" up to Him.

Jesus' anointing at Bethany is found in Matthew 26: 6-13, Mark 14: 3-9, and John 12: 1-8.  Since I'm sure you still have that Bible handy from looking up John 11: 1-44 and since I covered the scripture of this event in John in my post on smell, I'm going to leave it to you to re-read those passages.  Did you do it?  Remember you're only cheating yourself here...  Alright, did you notice that the John passage seems to expound upon the events in Matthew and Mark?  In my research I found that John was written after the other gospels and there are a couple possible reasons why he chooses to name Mary where she had remained unnamed in the previous accounts of the anointing.  One reason, and this can apparently be applied to other eyewitnesses of Jesus listed by name in the New Testament (not just John), is that these are people who were involved in the early church in Jerusalem and their names would be well known.  I like the idea that this account would be read and someone could have recognized Mary's name and gone to ask her about her experience personally.  Another possible reason I found was that earlier omissions of Mary's name may have been for her own protection.  John tells us that the chief priests had a plot to kill Lazarus because many were coming to believe Jesus by Lazarus' testimony.  Protection of Lazarus' family may also be why his story is only found in John's gospel.  Perhaps before the time of John's gospel they needed "protective anonymity."  I digress...

Back to our mentor, Mary.  Mary pours out this extravagant gift upon her beloved Lord and teacher, but what motivated her to do it?  Why then?  Why hadn't she used it previously as part of Lazarus' burial?  I don't know.  It was obviously God's will for the anointing to take place with all the significance behind it, but I'd love to ask her someday what prompted her to take that particular opportunity.  Sometimes we're called to things that don't make much sense in the now, but have infinitely more significance in the bigger picture.  Writing this blog is one example of that principle being played out currently in my life.  I don't know exactly why I'm spending hours of my limited free time researching and writing and publishing out into the void of cyberspace.  But, I feel called to it and want to pour myself out fully for my Lord, and I trust He has a purpose in the bigger picture.  What area of your life do you feel Him calling you to act out in faith, even if you can't foresee the results? Would we still be willing to act if we knew it would bring immediate criticism, as it did in Mary's case?  She had barely popped the top on that Eau de Nard and those present were indignant at such an expensive "waste" that could have gone to other causes.  It has taken me years to be able to begin this blog.  It took me over two months to draft my first post and then another three days agonizing over whether I would actually publish it.  I have been paralyzed by the fear of criticism.  Not so much the constructive kind as much as the seemingly insurmountable who-are-you-to-write-this kind.  I feel completely inadequate to the task, lacking all kinds of formal training I feel I need to fall back on, but God says His grace is sufficient for me because His power is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12: 9).  So I'm just gonna ride that out.  Jesus commended Mary for what she did and said, "wherever the gospel is proclaimed in the whole world, what she has done will be told in memory of her."  What stories do we want to leave of our lives?  What will be your legacy?  Like Mary, let's worship Him with all we can give and not allow fear to rob us of our gifts.

Mary of Bethany was always at Jesus' feet.  She was there studying, petitioning, and worshiping.  She was there in joy and in sorrow.  She was there regardless of what anyone thought of her for being there.  It's a place of humility and intimacy and even greater power.  Jesus, may we spend all our lives and lay all of our blessings at your feet, give us faith to trust You with it all.                            





Still need to learn how to correctly credit sources within a paper (boasting gladly of my weaknesses?), but until then, here's my sources for this post:

Bible, English Standard Version Study Bible

Sitting at the Feet of Rabbi Jesus: How the Jewishness of Jesus Can Transform Your Faith by Ann Spangler and Lois Tverberg

John Courson's Application Commentary, New Testament

Daily Life at the time of Jesus by Miriam Feinberg Vamosh

Jesus and the Eyewitnesses: The Gospels as Eyewitness Testimony by Richard Bauckham

The MacArthur Bible Commentary by John MacArthur



      







           

Smell

Cinnamon.  Clove.  Apple.  Wood-smoke.  Pine.  Sugar cookies.  Scents that take me back to the Christmas of my childhood instantly.  The scent of Ralph Lauren Polo aftershave wraps me in one of my beloved grandfather's bear hugs.  Anything that has been washed with Downy "Spring Fresh" fabric softener smells like Mimi's house, according to my kids.  Roses remind me of the time I "helped" Grandpa prune the bushes in his backyard by smelling each blossom, only after he'd gently shaken them to remove any bees that might be buzzing about.  I've got some less appealing ones also.  The pungent aroma of mud, wet grass, and sweaty socks that would come wafting from my old soccer bag in high school when I forgot (again) to remove the dirty socks from the tournament the previous weekend.  The stink of a dirty toddler diaper takes me back to potty training our eldest and the time she removed her diaper during nap time and finger painted with the contents all over her nursery.  That scent punched me square in the face when I cracked open the door to check on her.  I'm sure you could think of at least a couple scents, both good and bad, that transport you to a specific person, place, or event also.

Our sense of smell can often be overlooked in its importance, especially when compared with other more vital senses like sight or hearing.  However, smell is very often our first response to stimuli; think forgetting something in the oven or walking into a locker room.  More than any other sense, smell is most closely linked to parts of our brains that process emotion and associative learning.  When we experience a new smell it is forever linked to a person, event, thing, or moment.  This explains why so many scents take us to memories of our childhoods, being the time we experience many scents for the first time.

Scent played an important role in many stories and rituals found within the Old Testament.  One of the first times it is mentioned can be found in Genesis 8-9 after the flood waters have subsided, Noah and his crew have left the ark, and Noah burns animals in offering to the Lord on an altar he built.  The smell is so pleasing that when the Lord smells it He says in His heart that he will never wipe out the earth again.  What a powerful introduction to the colossal implications of a smell that it moved God's heart to strike a covenant to never destroy us by flood again, no matter how terrible of a mess we make.  I also imagine the scent of roasting meat and drying, damp earth was incredible for Noah and his family after forty long days and nights pent up in a boat with a large quantity of animals not having access to the outside...

Scented oils and perfumes were used in ceremonies setting apart someone chosen by God, like a king or priest.  Hebrew kings weren't crowned at their coronations, but rather anointed with sacred oil that had been perfumed with costly spices.  The scent would mark the person with a sort of invisible "crown," and by this unique fragrance the person would be recognized as belonging to God in a special way.  An example of an anointing ceremony takes place in 1 Kings 1:38-40 when Zadok the priest places Solomon on a mule and anoints him with fragrant oil from the temple, marking Solomon as King of Israel.  He is then paraded through the city streets as the people rejoice and cry out, "Long live King Solomon!"  The scent of the oil would have marked everyone's minds with the image of their king being exalted among his people.

Let's keep these two Old Testament examples in our minds as we transition forward, but first we need to make sure we are all on the same page.  God's Word, the Bible, is a cohesive story.  We know from scripture that God is unchanging, so we should not be surprised to find many parallels between the Old Testament and New Testament; it's the same God in charge.  The Lord Almighty didn't take a break to come up with a Plan B since His attempts at redemption through the law didn't pan out.  God's plan of redemption spans the entire breadth of the story, from creation to His second coming and final victory.  Understanding this, let's continue this aromatic adventure into some New Testament scripture.

There is mention of a specific event of anointing in multiple gospels that will prove itself much more profound upon further study than we might gain from a cursory glance.  In John 12 Mary of Bethany anoints Jesus with a large quantity of a very expensive perfume; it reads:  

Six days before the Passover, Jesus therefore came to Bethany, where Lazarus was, whom Jesus had raised from the dead. So they gave a dinner for him there. Martha served, and Lazarus was one of those reclining with him at table. Mary therefore took a pound of expensive ointment made from pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped his feet with her hair. The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. But Judas Iscariot, one of his disciples (he who was about to betray him), said, “Why was this ointment not sold for three hundred denarii and given to the poor?” He said this, not because he cared about the poor, but because he was a thief, and having charge of the moneybag he used to help himself to what was put into it. Jesus said, “Leave her alone, so that she may keep it for the day of my burial. For the poor you always have with you, but you do not always have me.” (John 12:1-8 ESV)

Nard was an expensive ointment imported from northern India and used for anointing.  The amount Mary possessed would be valued at roughly an entire year's wages for the average laborer.  John focuses on the anointing of Jesus' feet, while in Mark and Matthew it tells of her anointing his head.  Considering she probably had about half a liter of perfume, she apparently had plenty to anoint both.  The scent was so aromatic it scented not only Jesus, but the entire house was filled with the fragrance.  Judging by its expense, it's unlikely many in that house would have ever encountered the smell of pure nard before.  This bouquet would have been indelibly stamped into their memories as the scent of their beloved teacher.

This anointing takes place "six days before the Passover," likely making it Saturday evening since Passover began Friday evening at sundown.  The significance of this is magnified when we consider what happens the next day.  That Sunday begins what we traditionally refer to as Passion Week, specifically "Palm Sunday."  In John 12: 12-15, Jesus rides into the city mounted on a donkey as crowds of people shout, "Hosanna!" and refer to him as, "the King of Israel!"  Just as Solomon had ridden through the streets to riotous rejoicing of his kingship, Jesus is celebrated by His people and proclaimed king, though they do not yet understand that He would not be the political and military leader they were expecting.  He would usher in leadership marked by servant-hood and sacrifice, and, though he would wear a crown of thorns later, He was already wearing the "crown" of nard, the scent surely lingering beyond the evening before.  Paralleling Solomon's coronation, Jesus would have smelled like royalty.  However, the scent of royalty was not the only aroma wafting from Jesus' robes during that triumphal entry.

Though it may seem obvious to us now with thousands of years of hindsight to our advantage, in John 12 verse 16 we are told that the disciples didn't understand the depth of many of the events unfolding around them until they could be understood in light of the crucifixion and resurrection.  Jesus is referred to as the "Lamb of God" in multiple places throughout scripture.  We know he was the perfect sacrifice.  The Greek terms "euodia" and "osme" are used often in the Greek translation of the Old Testament when referring to the aroma of a sacrifice pleasing to God, for example, that wonderful fragrance of Noah's sacrifice which pleased the Lord to place the rainbow of covenant in the sky.  Osme is also the term translated "fragrance" in John 12 describing the scent of the perfume filling Mary's home.  How fitting that the scent of Christ leading up to the crucifixion would be that of a pleasing sacrifice.  That not only would we be preserved from death by worldwide flood, but fully saved from death for eternity.

What do we smell like to God?  Do our lives give off a pleasing fragrance?  I believe we can gain some wisdom in exploring what I consider our "spiritual sense of smell."  I had a friend in high school, Nick, who was an anosmiac; he was born without a sense of smell.  He would have one of my friends and I help him shop for cologne.  Why would he even bother wearing cologne when he couldn't smell it himself?  Simple: girls.  He had heard girls like guys who smell good and he wasn't about to loose out on any opportunities because he didn't know how to pick a good cologne.  After purchasing it, my friend and I realized we also needed to make sure he knew how much was an acceptable amount to wear...  He trusted our judgement as girls to which scent we would be most attracted to.  His best friend, however, had a different job.  He had the job of telling Nick if he stunk.  Nick was an athletic guy, so he trusted his best friend to let him know if measures needed to be taken beyond cologne.  It seems to me that sometimes we need friends we trust to let us know if we stink, too.

God will place people in our lives to alert us when our spiritual lives smell less like the wonderful beef barbecue of sacrifice, but perhaps more like that cow's manure.  Sin stinks.  If we don't know God's word and its instruction for our lives we can be spiritual anosmiacs; not realizing how offensive our odor is we continue living our lives in selfishness or bitterness or hypocrisy or pride and don't understand why no one wants to be near us.  Sometimes we know we stink, but, just like spending time in a barn full of manure, we become so accustomed to the stench we don't even notice it anymore.  We know not to gossip, and at first we're sensitive to speaking about others only in ways which are gratifying to all in the conversation, but soon we're sharing others' struggles and sin behind their back and calling them "prayer requests."  We tell "white lies" to our spouse or our kids or friends so we will appear in the best light.  (As Katie the maid in the classic movie Meet Me In St. Louis would say, "A lie's a lie.  Dressin' it in white don't help it.")  Or perhaps our particular stink comes from areas in our lives we desperately try to keep hidden.  Sins of temptation we give in to and swear it will be the last time, so many times we begin to not smell the rotting of sin in our souls any longer.  We attempt to behave righteously with wrong motivations.  Rather than longing to please God with our service we seek recognition and praise from others.  In Isaiah 64:6 it says, "all our righteous acts are like filthy rags."  The ESV translation takes it even farther to say, "all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment."  Think a minute about what a "polluted garment" would smell like... That's right, think back to the diaper story.  When we attempt to do right things apart from God we give off a seriously foul odor.

So, apparently I stink.  Bad.  Can this festering stench of sin be removed?  Absolutely.  Obviously, the first thing we need to do is take a bath.  Titus 3:5 says, "he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit..."  We know that when we attempt to earn God's favor on our own our "righteous" deeds give off the smell of a "polluted garment," but right here it says that in God's great mercy we can be washed to the point we are actually regenerated (made new) and His Spirit can dwell in us.  We are saved through the pleasing sacrifice of Christ's perfect life marked by service, leading to his undeserved, shameful death upon a cross.  Just like the Old Testament sacrifice, only now in a complete and everlasting form, Christ's blood is poured out to cleanse sin.  This is more than I can wrap my mind around, but truly we can be perfectly clean.

After being fully cleansed through the acceptance of Christ's sacrifice, I would imagine we're at some sort of smell base zero.  We're neutral.  Malodor removed, but I don't want to just not stink.  I want to smell great.  I want to smell like the best smelling person ever.  Obviously, I want to smell like Jesus.  In John 12, after anointing Jesus, Mary wipes his feet with her hair.  This act holds many layers of significance considering Jewish women rarely unbound their hair in public and points to an expression of Mary's complete and passionate devotion to Christ, as well as her humility in placing herself at His feet.  We can only smell like someone through close proximity to that person.  My husband instantly knows when my kids have been spending time with my mom because her signature perfume scent clings to them after they've been dropped off at home.

How can we "smell" like Jesus now?  If we cursorily dissect Mary's actions we can glean some spiritual insight.  First, Mary gave Jesus what was probably one of her most valuable possessions, possibly her dowry.  We don't have to have something expensive to give Jesus, but what is something that is precious to us that we can entrust to Him?  Something we have been holding onto in our hearts, unwilling to give it up?  A spiritual gift we know we have, but aren't using?  Resources we've been blessed with, but aren't generously blessing others with?  After anointing Jesus, Mary wiped his feet with her hair.  There's a couple applications we can pull from this.  As was mentioned previously, it was not normal for a woman to have unbound hair in public.  I see this as a very intimate act that Mary would "let her hair down" for her Savior.  Christ invites us to have both intimacy and transparency with Him.  We can stand before Him exposed for what we really are, not hiding behind pride or vanity or self-righteousness.  Sometimes it's when we're at our most vulnerable that we experience Him for who He really is as well.  Mary's posture before the Lord is one of humility.  She's not standing above Him bestowing a gift and then blessing herself with it.  She uses all of it on Him and then soaks up some of the excess.  May we spend ourselves fully on the work the Lord has put before us; using our gifts to bless others, pouring ourselves out for them holding nothing back.

Truly, then we must have an aroma that is most pleasing to our Savior, who held nothing back, but poured Himself out for us.  It is then, when we have humbly given our all to Jesus that we smell most sweet.  2 Corinthians 2:14-15 says that, "through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere.  For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing..." Lord, help us live lives perfumed so pleasantly with love for You pouring out into our love for others that everyone around us would be drawn closer to the ambrosia of life effusing from our Savior.  Amen.





Still need to learn how to correctly credit sources within a paper, but until then, here's my sources for this post:

Bible, English Standard Version Study Bible

Sitting at the Feet of Rabbi Jesus: How the Jewishness of Jesus Can Transform Your Faith by Ann Spangler and Lois Tverberg

John Courson's Application Commentary, New Testament